Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Waking Up - From Nightmares and Ineffectiveness in the Kingdom

Nothing about this blog will be artful, so I apologize. Hopefully I can come back and clean it up, but I feel a strong urge to share it asap.

I've been re-learning what it's like to feel the tug of the Holy Spirit and the last time I ignored it, something terrible happened. So I'm going to draft this ugly blog and let it sit for a while in lieu of waiting until it's "perfect" before I share.

So here goes...

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Prayer Request

If anyone is reading this, I'd like to ask you for prayer. It's heavy, heavy, heavy on my heart to merge all the different areas of my life and bring them all under obedience to God. I have a burgeoning professional life as a creative person. I'm happily married. (Thank God and only because of God.) I almost feel like I have several different identities in work, different friend groups and even on social media. I want to be operating 100% in God's will across all areas and I have a strong desire not to waste any more time.

I often lie to myself and say I am being cautious and don't want to do anything wrong. I also lean very strongly on the authority of the church. I've never wanted power or influence in the church, but I often use that as an excuse (combined with my worsening chronic illnesses) not to do anything at all.

My husband and I have felt a strong pull toward ministry and creating art for secular audiences since we met over 12 years ago. There's been progress toward that, but we've been held back over the years by multiple circumstances. It's like we have a bit in our mouths and we can only get so far before someone yanks on it and pulls us backwards.

Only recently, and partly through the journey I've taken with this blog, have I realized it shouldn't be that way. There's a season for everything and there's always a time to wait, but it should not take years and years and years for a married christian couple to begin the ministry God promised them. We've both felt stifled and silenced and we are realizing that's via outside oppression and spiritual attack in order to silence us so we can't be effective in the kingdom.

I fully realize how weird and creepy all of this sounds if you're not a believer. Even using the word "believer" sounds creepy. I remember what it was like to be on the outside and hear things like that. But as we've slowly started realizing this and praying about things, we've come under further attacks, including even more illness than usual and tumultuous times at work.

Can you please pray for provision during this difficult season, for protection from anything that isn't the Lord's will and for bravery that we can follow God's path for us instead of caving to the pressures to conform. (Pressures both inside Church World and outside.) We feel like we have so much to sort through, but we also feel very strong urges to create some very specific media almost immediately.

If you can also pray that the Lord would cut through any confusion like a hot knife through butter, that would be great. We've wasted too much time being lukewarm and ineffective and we don't want to tolerate it anymore. The sidelines is no place for those who follow Jesus and that's where we've been.

Thanks to anyone who is reading this or who has read this.

This Video Honestly Blew My Mind

Bible Flock Box is known for his knowledgeable YouTube videos. His "10 Facts About Hell You're Not Being Told" was kind of an instant life-changer for me. Highly recommend.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

"Getting Past Your Past" at Bible.com

I just wanted to offer a short blog to recommend the reading plan "Getting Past Your Past" at Bible.com. If you're a woman who struggles with looking backwards. If you deal with a lot of regret or often wish you could "just go back and fix it" knowing what you know now, I highly recommend this study. 

I'm only on day 2 and it's been intensely impactful. 

Monday, March 13, 2017

The Very Worst Missionary

What do you do when you really want to write about Jesus? What if you're genuinely interested in homemaking, but you suck at it? What if you see the identity you've cultivated in the world and it doesn't accurately represent you? What if you're a writer by trade, but you have no earthly idea how to write about the things that really infuse the majority of your thoughts and feelings?

As I mentioned here, I'm completely new to the world of Jesus blogging. I'm sure that's not hard to tell with this messy new site I'm trying to figure out. Not to be that girl, but I'm praying about it too. There world is inundated with white noise. The very last thing I want to do is add to it.

One of my compulsions is to tell you so many stories I've been wanting to tell for literally almost fifteen years. Many of them about my own failures. But in that rush and compulsion, I'm creating a lot of unrefined garbage. I do this thing when I get really excited. It's basically this...

But I don't want to kill the biscuit this time.

I know this blog hasn't been very funny so far, but that's because I'm in the early stages of purging hurt. It's a really sensitive time for me. I feel like I'm crawling back to Jesus in bandages.

In the meantime, I thought it might be cool to point you to other women who are up and running, effectively communicating their stories. By happenstance, I found two. The first one was via Pinterest.

Sisters Raising Sisters

The second one, I'm even more psyched about. I've been working on a hopefully humorous essay called "The Worst Missionary". Typically, I Google a title and check trademark and copyright databases to make sure I don't make any wrong moves. When I Googled, I found...

Jamie the Very Worst Missionary

A cursory search of her website made me feel excited. She gives me hope that I can continue to find my voice in order to communicate what makes my heart sing.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

A Dream To Share: The Narrow Path? - Interpretation Needed

Imagine this, but with ocean on either side of the path,
as far as the eye can see. And the path would be longer.
(And kind of rocky, lined with gravel.)
As I've mentioned several times here on this blog, this may very well all be temporary. If I feel like I should take it down, if I've mistaken a private message and journey for a public one, I'll take it down.

In the meantime, I woke up from a dream on Saturday morning that I think I might be meant to share. I mentioned here that I've had several meaningful (maybe?) dreams over the last several months. Four counting this most recent dream, all laden with Biblical symbolism. I've also mentioned that sharing your dreams is a great way to make people think you're insane.

Alas, on Friday night, I had another one. I'd love some help interpreting it. Let me know if this makes any sense to anyone out there...

The Proverbs Woman Study - Week 3 - "Her husband has full confidence in her"

I don't know about you, but I would so much rather learn the history of a scripture first hand before I read other people's commentaries and interpretations.

In my late teens and early twenties, I used to cart around a huge concordance so I could find root words and make cross-references anytime curiosity struck.

I'm so much more comfortable in my faith when I imagine myself as Mrs. Henry Jones vs. the lady from Church Chat. I'm more at home if I imagine my life as something in the vein of C.S. Lewis or J.R.R. Tolkien than any contemporary famous christian figures. I don't know if that's good or bad, but it's how I feel.

Today, I discovered something everybody else probably already knows about that puts me comfortably back in Mrs. Jones territory. An online Bible Lexicon at Bible Hub. If you crave deep historical and linguistic study, this is a game-changer. First we'll study the lexicon for the third line of the Proverbs Woman scripture, then I'll blog about it.

Best of all, I discovered that for the Proverbs Woman Study, the lexicon itself goes back to the Hebrew. (Which isn't the case for all portions of the Bible online.) This makes today's study of the third line of the famous Proverbs Woman scripture even more exciting.

Here's what the Lexicon looks like for the next two lines actually: